


Long Road Home

by SeethingvioletVII



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, F/F, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Child Abuse, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-06-08 21:20:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6873715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeethingvioletVII/pseuds/SeethingvioletVII
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amanda has a lot of scars, both physical and emotional. Olivia has scars of her own from her ordeal in Seal View and from Lewis. Can the two women come together and face their demons? This is an Amanda/Olivia romance. Don't like, don't read. TRIGGER WARNING: Will deal with chronic illness/pain, addiction, self harm, references to rape/torture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story will deal with chronic pain issues, addiction and self injury. There will be trigger warnings posted when needed.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Alcohol use, prescription abuse.

Amanda Rollins had a long day. In fact, she had been having a long life. She felt aged well beyond her years by the time she arrived in Manhattan. Being an SVU detective in the city that never sleeps had begun to take it's toll as well.

After bring shot, she was quick to return to work telling Cragen that she was ready for action. The truth was that the injury and subsequent scar tissue compounded an already present health condition. She wasn't one to admit weakness however, so she pushed through the pain and numbness caused by compression and adhesion of the nerves in her brachial plexus.

Sinking in to her bathtub, she tossed back some pain medication chasing it with a beer. She allowed the hot water to engulf her to the chin, sighing into the water. Her mind wandered to it's dark corners as her fingers traced the scars littered across her thighs and torso. Some were inflicted by others, some self inflicted, the largest caused by surgical intervention.

She felt the medication begin to do it's magic and quickly finished the rest of her beer, letting the empty bottle clatter to the floor next to her tub. Amanda fully submerged herself in the water, bending at the knees so her head could sink below the surface. She held her breath until her chest screamed for air, black dots swimming across her vision. Amanda broke to the surface in reflex, greedily sucking air in to her lungs.

Reaching down to the floor she picked up her pack of Marlboros and her lighter. Sparking the trusty Zippo, she took a deep drag from the cigarette as she began to cry. At the sound of her master's sobs Franny came trotting into the bathroom, frantically licking the tears from sculpted cheeks before laying on the bathmat, resting her chin on the edge of the tub. Amanda began stroking familiar velvet ears allowing herself to be soothed by her faithful companion.

Sighing she stood from the tub reaching for her towel and wrapping it around her torso. She towel dried her hair and combed it before changing into some comfy sweats and a wife beater. The blonde threw on an NYPD hoodie and whistled for Franny. She clipped the leash on her dog and headed out into a mild New York night.

* * *

As she ambled through the park, her mind wandered to the day Franny helped her to apprehend Lewis William. She had so many regrets about that case, the least of which was Lewis getting his hands on Olivia. Amanda had so many feelings about the brunette detective admiration, jealousy, regret, attraction.

When Amanda first landed in Manhattan she had a serious case of hero worship for the brunette. Olivia was the type of woman she wanted to be when she "grew up". She exuded strength, confidence and compassion for those around her. Over time her feelings turned towards the romantic. Olivia's constant rebuttals of friendship had started to wear at her.

When the only other female officer in SVU had been kidnapped and assaulted by Lewis, Amanda had been devastated. She was wracked with guilt and filled with the desperate need to save the woman she had come to love and hate at the same time. Of course, when they finally found Olivia it was Amaro that rushed in to save the day. Amanda waited on the side lines, making sure Liv was safe before going home to drown her sorrows.

Since the brunette had become Sargent and taken over the unit, she had managed to look past so many of Amanda's fuck ups. She had begun to heal, and extend an olive branch to the blonde. One that she would have grabbed with both hands just a few short months ago. Now it was Amanda who was turning down overtures of friendship, afraid to be hurt again.

Somehow during her internal struggle, the southern detective had wandered her way over to her Sargent's neighborhood. She and Franny now stood outside Olivia's building looking up to see the light filtering through the windows of her apartment. Franny whimpered and nudged Amanda from behind, urging her mistress to go inside.

Knowing the dog had never led her astray, the blonde took a deep breath and entered the building. Olivia had told her that she was on the list of people allowed upstairs, so she wasn't surprised that the doorman told her to go on up after introducing herself. He even had a treat to give Franny, who gave him a slobbery kiss in return.

* * *

With a shaking hand, Amanda knocked on Olivia's door. After only a few seconds the door was opened, the brunette gesturing with her arm for the blonde to come inside. She smiled down at Franny, giving her a scratch on the head.

"Hi Liv. I know it's late, but I just kind of wandered over here. And then Franny told me she wanted to pop in for a visit so..." the blonde trailed off.

"Hey 'Manda, it's fine. I was up anyway, and truth be told I could do with some company," Olivia said graciously.

Gesturing for the blonde to have a seat on the couch, Liv ducked into the kitchen to quickly return with a bowl of water for Franny and two beers. Amanda smiled at her, accepting the proffered drink.

"So, I've got to ask Amanda. What brought you over here tonight?"

Amanda worried her bottom lip between straight white teeth, trying to decide if she should answer honestly or not. The need for an honest to god friendship won out, and full disclosure was decided upon.

"I was pretty worn out after my shift today. Was at home alone having a few drinks and soaking in the tub. Franny could sense that I was upset and urged me to take a walk. We ended up in Central Park, which made me think of my girl here chasing down Lewis."

She took the chance to peek at Olivia, making sure she wasn't triggering anything for the brunette. Seeing a slight nod from her Sargent, she decided to continue.

"Made me start going over the whole case in my head. And then I got to thinking about you, and how somehow we never end up becoming friends. Next thing I knew, I was standing outside. Once again Franny came to the rescue and nudged me towards the building. And, here I am."

"I get the feeling you're glossing over some details, but I'm still happy that you decided to trust in Franny and show up on my doorstep. If I'm honest, I've was pretty caught up in losing Elliot when you joined the team. When you were shot I realized that I had really gotten off on the wrong foot with you."

She paused for a minute, taking a breath. Amanda placed a hand on her knee, hoping the gesture would urge her to continue. Liv smiled at her, and she knew she had done the right thing.

"When Lewis took me, I somehow knew that you wouldn't sleep until I was found. It helped keep me going. But after I came back to work, you've started pulling away. Not that I blame you, since I had my head up my ass prior to my abduction. So yeah, I'm glad you're here."

Olivia and Amanda smiled shyly at each other, blushing slightly. Franny chose that moment to press her block head between them on the couch, reminding them to pay attention to her. As the women both began to pet her soft head, their hands brushed causing them to gasp. Looking up at the brunette the detective saw some of her own feelings reflected back at her in deep chocolate orbs.

Taking a leap of faith she leaned in, bringing her lips within an inch of Olivia's and tilting her head. She knew this was a make or break moment, and held her breath. Within seconds her Sargent closed the gap between them, bringing their lips together in a gentle kiss. Neither woman noticed when Franny padded over to the rug and curled up, hunkering down for the long haul.


	2. Chapter 2

As Amanda's lips touched hers, Olivia felt hot sparks spread through her body. Touching someone hadn't made her feel this way in a long time. In fact, she hadn't wanted to be touched at all since Lewis. Pushing thoughts of her abductor to the back of her mind, she began to kiss the blonde in earnest. Flicking her tongue over the blonde's delicious bottom lip she was immediately granted entrance.

When she tasted her detective's mouth for the first time, the brunette moaned into their kiss. The noise seemed to spark Amanda on as she moved to straddle Olivia's lap, groaning as her super heated core made contact with Olivia's stomach. The Sargent grinned into their kiss, using her strong hands to pull Amanda's hips closer to her own.

As the blonde began involuntarily rocking into the beautiful woman beneath her, Liv's hands began to wander, pulling the hem of Amanda's sweatshirt up to expose a strip of bare skin between baggy sweat pants and tight wife beater. Goose bumps broke out over pale flesh in the wake of gentle finger tips. Breaking their kiss, the detective pulled the hoodie over her head, tossing it to the floor.

She made eye contact with Liv, whose brown orbs were filled with lust and wonder. The brunette maintained the eye contact as she began to trace the bullet hole in the blonde's shoulder before leaning down to gently kiss the puckered flesh. Amanda's breath hitched and she began to shake lightly. Olivia pulled the strap of the tank top to the side revealing a long thick horizontal scar that stretched from Amanda's sternum to her arm pit.

"Amanda..." Liv trailed off.

"Surgical scar. Long story, which I will tell you some time if you want to hear it."

The blonde took a deep breath before continuing.

"Liv, I've got a lot of scars. Not all of them were inflicted on my by others."

She looked down to her own lap, blonde hair falling across her face in a curtain. Olivia gently tilted her chin until her detective was forced to look her in the eyes.

"Hon, we all have scars. Some of the worst ones can't even be seen. Yours make you beautiful."

Amanda gasped, biting her lip before letting out a quiet sob. She rested her face in the crook of the strong neck beneath her while Liv ran soothing fingers through her hair.

"I've got scars too 'Manda. From Lewis, from things before him too. No one has touched me like this since he abducted me. I'm as scared as you are."

Amanda shook with quiet laughter, looking up at her new... friend? Lover?

"Honey, you're not scared of anything. That's one of the things that makes you so damn sexy!" the blonde exclaimed.

"Well, tell you what. How about we slow this down a little bit, get to know each other?" the brunette questioned. "Then we can be a little more comfortable being so... exposed."

"That actually sounds pretty good Sarge," Amanda smiled. "But, um... would it be to much to sleep with you tonight? Just sleep! I don't want to go home alone. Franny and I are really good cuddlers, I promise!"

"I could do with some cuddling, actually" smiled the brunette before kissing the southerner on the forehead.

Liv patted her on the legs, indicating that she should get up. After the stood, she took the blondes hand and led her to the bedroom whistling for Franny on the way. The two crawled into bed, getting under the covers before snuggling into each other. Olivia patted the comforter giving the pooch her cue to join them. Franny quickly curled into a ball at the foot of the bed. It wasn't long before the women nodded off, holding each other tightly. The three of them slept peacefully through the night.

* * *

During the night, the women had become entwined. Amanda had one leg thrown over Liv's and an arm draped over her rib cage, just below her breasts. The blonde's head rested on a strong shoulder. Olivia woke well rested and content for the first time in as long as she could remember. She smiled into the blonde hair that had somehow made its way across her face.

She slowly pulled the hair off of her face, tucking it behind Amanda's ear. The hardened Sargent found herself softening by the minute while pressed into the mattress under the weight of her detective. The southern woman was beautiful, even more so in her sleep while so relaxed. Liv knew it wasn't everone who found themselves lucky enough to wake up next to the still snoozing blonde.

After several minutes of watching the other woman sleep, the brunette began to slowly extricate herself from their tangled limbs. Franny chose that moment to wake up, and climb on top of them waking her mistress with slobbery kisses to the face.

"Ugh! Franny, stop it I'm awake!" squealed Amanda.

She tried hiding behind Olivia, which the older woman found incredibly adorable.

"Morning hon. Seems like someone would like to be walked and fed, huh?"

"Yeah, yeah... I was just so comfy," the blonde pouted.

"Well, how about we walk her together. We can stop by the cafe down the block and grab coffee and croissants. Then we can head back to your place and feed the beast," Olivia paused. "Not that you have to spend the day with me, if you had other plans..."

Amanda silenced her nervous babble by pressing her lips to Olivia's in a sweet kiss.

"We would love to spend the day with you actually," replied the younger woman shyly.

The women quickly got up, got dressed and headed out for a walk. Within a few seconds of the apartment building, they found themselves holding hands. Neither knew which one of them initiated it, but both knew it felt good. Franny happily trotted next to them, sniffing and wagging her tail. By the time they reached the cafe she had done her business and was content to wait in line with them.

Without having to discuss the logistics, they divided up the responsibility of holding the leash while one of them ate their croissant, then the other. Olivia made sure to save a little piece, which she fed to Franny. She seemed to know that they way to the dog's heart was through her stomach. After they finished their coffee their hands once again became tangled as if by magnets. They made small talk, trading little bits of information about themselves between lingering kisses.

* * *

Soon they found themselves back at Amanda's place, curled up on the couch together after feeding Franny.

"What do you want to do with our day 'Manda?"

"This is pretty excellent. I'd like to tell you some things I think you should know before jumping into... whatever this is, with me. But I need to tell you as my friend, not my commanding officer. Is that okay?"

"I want to know anything about you that you're willing to share with me. And, we're off the clock. Here in your apartment we are just Amanda and Olivia, okay?"

The brunette slid her arm around the detective's shoulders, hugging the younger woman to her chest.

"I was born with a medical condition called Thoracic Outlet Syndrome. Basically the space between my collar bones and my first ribs is more narrow than it should be. This puts pressure on the veins and nerves in my biracial plexus. It causes pain, tingling, numbness, muscle weakness, migraines, dizziness, jaw pain..." she sighs, blowing her hair out of her face.

"It sucks. But it was manageable until I was eighteen. I got in an accident that messed me up pretty good. I needed some surgery to repair my shoulder and collar bone. After that, the space between my rib and my collar bone got even smaller. Eventually I had to have my rib removed to prevent me loosing all function in my arm. Hence, the big ass scar on my chest."

She takes a moment to look at the brunette, who has paid close attention to every word. She sees nothing but kindness and worry reflected back at her.

"Wow Amanda, that sounds terrible. I'm sorry you had to go through all that," speaks the Sargent softly.

"Yeah. Well, here's the thing. I got shot in the same arm, as you saw last night. The scar tissue from the bullet wound has caused complications with my TOS. I'm in near constant pain now. The medication I'm on is good, but sometimes it's not enough. I end up drinking to try and take the edge off," the detective looks down in shame.

"Please don't be ashamed hon. I'm here for you now. Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"Well, I've got a pretty big doctors appointment in a few weeks. Maybe, if you're not too busy, you could come with me? I've been alone through all of this, and it would be nice to have some company."

"Absolutely. Thank you for trusting me. I promise it's not misplaced," stated Olivia resolutely.

"I know it's not. Now, as interesting as I am, let's stop talking about me for a little while. Can you tell me something about yourself?"

"Alright. Well, I think I'll start at the beginning and tell you about my mother. Her name was Serena and she was beautiful..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of rape, alcohol abuse, past child abuse

" _Alright. Well, I think I'll start at the beginning and tell you about my mother. Her name was Serena and she was beautiful..."_

"She was in college, here in Manhattan and had her whole life in front of her. One night she was raped. That resulted in a pregnancy," Olivia paused to make eye contact with Amanda. "I am the product of rape. Mom decided to keep me. I don't think she realized how hard it would be for her.

"I don't think she was ever able to look at me and really see _me_. I spent my life in the shadow of a father I've never met, that was only in my mother's life for a single terrifying night."

Amanda cupped Olivia's cheek before pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. "I'm so sorry Liv. It certainly explains your passion for SVU."

"Through my childhood, and much of my adult, life I suffered the emotional and sometimes physical abuse of an alcoholic rape victim. I say victim and not survivor, because my mother was never able to move on from her attack... not with me as a constant reminder.

"Even as I became an SVU detective, and began living on my own, I couldn't escape her. In the end, she was a fall down drunk. I did my best to take care of her and get her help, but it wasn't enough. She kept seeking oblivion in the bottom of a bottle.

"One day I got a visit at the station. My mother had fallen down some subway steps and broken her neck. I never got to say good bye, or tell her I loved her. And that's the thing, I did love her," Olivia finished.

"Of course you love her babe, she's your mother. No matter how badly our parents fuck us up, we're programed to love them anyway," sighed Amanda.

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience," questioned Olivia.

"I am. Different than yours, but similar enough to understand. But let's stop dwelling on the past for a bit, huh? It looks like Franny could use a walk."

At that Olivia looked up to see Franny sitting by the door, leash in her mouth. She couldn't help but laugh out loud.

* * *

As the women strolled around the East Village sipping on coffee, while Franny sniffed and wagged, Amanda couldn't help the wide grin that split her face.

"What are you smiling about, beautiful?" asked her Sargent.

"You. This. Us. I've wanted to feel at home in New York since I got here, and today I finally do," she explained shyly.

Liv reached over and wrapped a strong arm around Amanda's thin waist. She turned and placed a sweet kiss on her cheek.

"I'm so glad that I could help you feel at home. I have to say that I'm feeling pretty comfortable here myself these days," she replied with a smile in her voice.

Their walk was interrupted by the ringing of Olivia's cell phone.

"Benson," she answered.

Amanda could hear the buzz of someone speaking on the other end of the call. She felt the brunette stiffen in her arms and watched as her eyes filled with fear. As Liv ended the call she turned to face the blonde.

"Lewis escaped prison. We need to head to the station immediately," she explained.

"How the fuck could they let this happen?!" exclaimed Amanda.

"Looks like he faked a seizure, was being transported to the hospital when he killed his security detail and medical team before making a run for it," Olivia sighed while hailing a taxi.

"Wanna drop Franny off at home first?" asked the detective as the three of them clambered into the back of a cab.

"No. Let's go to the station. Franny has been a good luck charm for us so far. I like having her with us," replied the Sargent as she began rubbing the pit bull's ears soothingly.

As they walked into the bull pen, it was clear that chaos had over taken the rest of the squad. Before they could even take off their coats the ladies were greeted by a group of men in suits, including Leutenant Declan Murphy.

"Hello Sargent, Rollins," Murphy greeted, tipping his head in acknowledgment. "Why don't you let the other detectives catch you up to speed Rollins. Benson, let's move this to your office, shall we?"

Amanda watched as Olivia entered her office with the group of men. She and Franny were brought up to speed by Fin and Amaro. It didn't take long, since they had no idea where Lewis was yet. She could feel her insides knotting up. Lewis was sure to come for Olivia, the only victim he hadn't finished with.

Soon she was pulled from her dark thoughts as they were joined by their Sargent, Murphy and what looked like a security detail.

"I'm going to be taking control of this investigation. Benson is going in to protective custody until Lewis is apprehended. The rest of you are going to work around the clock until we catch the bastard," Murphy announced before returning to Liv's office.

Olivia quickly pulled Amanda away from the rest of the team and into the cribs, gesturing for her security team to wait outside.

"Amanda, I don't want to leave you," she started. "But Murphy is insistent that I lay low. I'll have my cell phone. Call me when you catch a break."

"Liv, can you do me a favor?" the blonde asked.

"Anything, babe."

Amanda couldn't help but smile at the endearment. "Can you take Franny with you? She's gonna need to be walked and fed, and it doesn't look like I'm leaving any time soon."

"Of course, I'll be glad for the company. Let me know when you're heading home and I'll make arrangements to get her back to you."

Olivia leaned in and kissed Amanda soundly on the lips, embracing her with strong arms. After a few moments they parted, leaning their fore heads together.

"Stay safe Liv," demanded the detective softly.

"You too Manda. I need to know that you're okay," replied the Sargent.

They shared one more kiss before leaving the cribs. Olivia left the building with Franny in tow, escorted by her security detail. Amanda made her way over to the boys to start working on the Lewis case.

* * *

Much later that evening Rollins was out on a Chinese food run. She was walking slowly while speaking to Olivia on the phone.

"Sorry babe, we have a few leads but nothing concrete. Looks like you're gonna have to share a bed with Franny tonight. Can't rest until Lewis is locked up again," she relayed.

Suddenly she was grabbed from behind, a gloved hand coming up to cover her mouth. The phone clattered to the ground. She was kicking and screaming, but her arms were pinned to her sides and her assailant was strong. She was dragged into an alleyway before being spun around and slammed into a brick wall.

She came face to face with the very man she was hunting. William Lewis grinned at her before hitting her in the temple with the butt of his gun. As she slumped to the ground Amanda watched as he picked up her phone and began speaking.

"Detective Benson, it's such a pleasure to hear your voice again. I have to tell you that detective Rollins is incapacitated at the moment. I'll be in touch with instructions in a few hours."

Lewis ended the call abruptly, leaned down and slung Amanda over his shoulders before disappearing into the darkness of the alleyway.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter is going to be a nasty one. Explicit scenes of torture, sexual assault.

Amanda woke with her hands tied behind her back. Her left arm was partially numb and the scar tissue from her bullet wound was stretched painfully. Groaning she did a mental assessment of her predicament. She was bound, her head was throbbing and she could feel blood dripping from her temple. Her bad arm was completely out of commission. She was face down on the back seat of a moving vehicle.

The detective knew this was a life or death situation, both because of Lewis and because of her medical condition. If she stayed bound like this for long, she could develop a blood clot and loose her arm, possibly her life if the clot was dislodged and made its was to her heart. She could hear Lewis whistling and took a moment to thank her higher power that Liv wasn't here in her place.

As she tried to adjust her body to a more comfortable position on the seat she finally garnered the attention of her assailant.

"Good morning sunshine!" Lewis exclaimed happily, "so very glad you could join me. You're going to cooperate, or things are going to be messier than you'd like."

He craned his head to look back at her, his face split by a maniacal grin pulling at his facial scars. The car suddenly pulled to a stop and Lewis disappeared from her view. In a matter of seconds he was yanking her out of the vehicle by her arm, causing her to cry out in pain.

"It's not good that you're already crying Amanda, things are going to be so much more... intense for you soon enough," the beast laughed, before dragging her towards an apparently abandoned warehouse.

* * *

Olivia was frantic making her way to the station in record time, Franny by her side. Her security detail scrambled to keep up with her, alarmed by her sudden departure.

"Lewis has Amanda!" she cried as she ran up to the squad.

Her horror is reflected back at her in the faces of her friends. Murphy comes out from the office he commandeered alerted to Olivia's presence by one of her security guards.

"What are you doing here Sargent?" he demands.

"Lewis has Rollins, sir. He abducted her while she was talking to me on the phone," Olivia's sentence was interrupted by an incoming text message from Amanda's number.

As she unlocks the screen she gasps, fingers turning white with the force of her grip on the phone. Lewis sent her a picture of Amanda, wrists bound together, hanging from a hook in the ceiling. Her left arm is slightly darker in color than the right. Both arms are littered with obvious burns, her shirt is hanging off in tatters, and blood is dripping from an open wound on her temple.

Fin walks up and puts an arm around her waist, supporting her as she takes in the injuries her girlfriend has incurred during her short time in Lewis's care. The cell phone rings, flashing a photo of a smiling Amanda. Drawing a shaky breath Olivia answers it.

"Hello Olivia. As you can see I'm taking good care of your little friend. She's not quite as delicious as you, of course. But she was the person to initially see behind my mask. It's good to get a little justice, don't you agree?"

"Lewis, what do you want? Let her go and take me instead. I know I'm what you really want," she says darkly.

She can tell from the flurry of movement around her and Fin that they're trying to trace the call. She's determined to keep him talking.

"You're right, I do want you. But I want you broken, and I think that the best way to do that is with a little help from your girlfriend," Lewis snarks.

Olivia can hear movement from the other end of the line then suddenly Amanda is screaming.

* * *

"Ahhhh!"

"You like the way your lady sounds when she screams, detective?" Lewis asks into the phone.

He pulls a bent wire hanger from it's place in burnt flesh with a small sucking sound. Amanda whimpers in relief.

"Lewis..." she groans. "I've got a medical condition, if you keep me here like this without my meds I'll die before you finish with me."

The beast scowls before snarling in to the phone, "Benson, listen closely. You will obtain the medication Amanda needs and wait for further instruction. In the mean time, I'll continue to have some fun."

He snaps the phone closed before tossing it carelessly on a table. He walks over to the camp stove and picks up a flat head screw driver. Lewis runs it through the flame watching as the metal heats to a bright red. Once satisfied that it's hot enough he turns and approaches the blonde.

Looking directly in her eyes he presses the long rod to her abdomen, burning the fabric of her shirt to her skin. Amanda grits her teeth and holds back the scream as long as she can, it's not until he rips the metal from her flesh savagely that the noise erupts from her throat.

"That's for not telling me about your condition sooner. Now, you're going to think very carefully about what I can do to ensure you stay alive. I can't loose my co-star until the finale," Lewis growls.

"You need to let my arms down. I'm gonna get a blood clot if you don't," Amanda sobs.

Lewis lifts her by her waist, unhooking her restraints from the ceiling. He dumps her on the floor, and she can't help but cry in relief as she begins to feel blood returning to her abused limbs. Her relief is short lived as Lewis kicks her in the gut, lifting her from the floor with it's strength.

He rolls her on her back and sits on her waist. He removes a pocket knife from his belt and and flicks open the blade.

"Don't move, and I won't cut you... much," Lewis promises.

Amanda sucks in a breath as he begins to cut the clothes from her body. Tears streak down her cheeks and she fights to remain still. Once she is in nothing but her bra and panties, Lewis stands up to admire his handy work. A pleased smile over takes his expression, causing her gut to knot.

"I bet I'm seeing more of you right now than our precious Olivia has gotten to. It's a shame she doesn't know what she's missing," he smiles.

He retrieves the phone from the table and snaps a picture of Amanda's prone and battered form, quickly sending it to the detective to give her some motivation.

"Don't worry beautiful, you're body won't go to waste in my care" Lewis cackles.

Amanda shudders in fear and revulsion. One again he crawls on top of her licking her cheek before sinking his teeth in to the muscle connecting her neck and right shoulder. The detective feels as her skin gives way to his canines and incisors and arches her back in agony.

Lewis withdraws his mouth from her flesh, caressing her face as he does. Amanda can feel small trickles of blood flow from her newest wound.

"I quite like how you look with my mark," Lewis baits her before sliding down her body and biting her breasts, abdomen and inner thighs with the same ferocity.

As he lays his body on top of hers Amanda can feel his erection pressing against her through his pants. He is panting in her ear as his hands explore her body and she can't help but gag, bile racing up her throat and spilling from her mouth on to Lewis.

As the stench fills his nostrils Lewis roars before backhanding her splitting her lip open. He stands and grabs the phone, punching in Olivia's number.

* * *

Olivia has one hand wrapped around a bottle of blood thinners and the other around her phone as she sat on the bathroom floor. She is pale, shaking and desperate to hear the voice of the monster that haunts her dreams. The image of Amanda sprawled on the floor, mostly naked and covered in wounds, fills her vision. The ringing of her phone startles her from her thoughts.

"Lewis."

"Yes detective. Have you retrieved the medication?"

"I have. Is Amanda alive?"

"For now, she is. But I don't know how much longer she will remain that way. You're going to follow my instructions, and if you don't arrive alone she'll be dead before you can lay eyes on her. Do you understand?"

"Yes. But it's going to take a while to slip my guards. I need two hours Lewis."

"Then you'll have two hours to get here Olivia. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a guest to entertain."

The call ended abruptly, and was quickly followed by a text containing an address. Olivia swallowed thickly before returning to the bull pen.

* * *

Amanda's left arm was on fire, the blood flow had returned with a vengeance. Her hands, still bound, were throbbing. The various burns and bite marks on her body ached, flaring with pain every time she moved. She heard Lewis's side of the conversation and knew Olivia would come for her. She hoped that she was still alive when the brunette got here. She had no idea how much more damage she could take.

The blonde watched in horror as Lewis stripped down to a wife beater and boxers. She knew she wouldn't escape this without being raped, and part of her just wanted him to get it over with. She thought of Liv and Franny, of the guys on the squad. Of her sister and her mother. Finally she thought of the reason she fled Atlanta. She had never in her worst nightmares imagined that something could be worse than what had happened to her there... she was wrong.

Lewis approached her like a lion stalking it's prey. He took his place pinning her down by the waist, he pulled himself free of his boxers with one hand and held a gun to her head with the other. The sight of his erection pulled bile back into her mouth, but she forced herself to swallow it down. Lewis grabbed her bound hands and situated them around his shaft.

"Give me the best hand job of your life Amanda and I'll skip the blow job before I fuck you," Lewis groaned and he thrust himself into her swollen palms.

Just as she started to stroke him, his gun still pressed to her forehead, her vision was covered in red and the sound of a gun shot reverberated through the room. Lewis fell forward suffocating her under his weight, his still hard member sliding from her hands.

Amanda struggled underneath his body for only a moment before he was rolled off of her and her vision was filled with concerned brown eyes. Olivia pulled her into her lap before covering her in a blanket the brunette must have brought with her.

"It's over Amanda. It's just you and me now. Lewis is gone," Olivia soothed against the crown of her head.

Amanda sobbed, collapsing further in to her arms. In the distance, they could hear sirens and knew the calvary was on it's way – just a few minutes too late.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of past rape & sexual assault. Discussion of physical torture.

Amanda was mostly quiet during her trip to the hospital. She informed them of her thoracic outlet syndrome, current medications, and the physical injuries that Lewis had piled on her. Olivia sat by her side through it all, filling in the blanks where she could.

 

Several tests were ordered to determine if Amanda had developed a blood clot during her captivity. It seemed that her arms were cut down just in time to prevent any complications from occurring. To be safe they dosed her with some blood thinners after sewing up the lacerations that littered her torso.

 

After all of her burns had been treated, Liv helped her put on a clean set of scrubs and took her home. Going home had been against the doctors advice, but the seasoned sargent knew that her detective needed to feel safe in order to being processing. There was no where safer than in her arms being guarded by Frannie.

* * *

 

Amanda had been home for two days, and she still couldn't bear to speak to Olivia about her experience. They were sitting on the couch sipping tea and watching the game on TV. Franny was curled at their feet, never letting either woman out of her sight.

 

“For me,” Olivia started, “the burns hurt the worse. They scarred the worst as well.” She lifted her shirt, exposing an expanse of olive flesh marred by scars of variable textures, colors and sizes. “You can touch them if you want...” she trailed off.

 

The blonde stared at her for several moments before sucking in a harsh breath. A shaky hand rose, and a single trembling finger began tracing the network of scars on Olivia's abdomen. A tear fell down Olivia's cheeck when Amanda leaned over and kissed the most proiment scar.

 

“You don't have to talk until you're ready 'Manda, but when you are I'm here.”

 

The brunette enveloped the younger woman in a gentle hug, slowly rocking them back and forth until their mutual tears dried.

* * *

 

Sitting up and looking Olivia in the eye Amanda began to talk. “I think I need to tell you about my past, before I can begin to understand the present.”

 

“When I first moved here, I told you that something had happened to me on the job. That it wasn't worth reporting.”

 

Olivia cringed, knowing that she was the reason the blonde hadn't been able to open up more to begin with.

 

“Well, what happened was that my sister got in trouble... again. My sargent got wind of it, and held the information over my head.”

 

The brunette reached out and placed a warm hand on Amanda's knee, offering her silent support.

 

“Patton raped me. Multiple times. It didn't stop until I moved to New York,” she sobbed.

 

Olivia once again gathered the fragile woman in her arms, rocking her until the tears subsided.

 

“When Lewis had me, the physical pain was immense. I thought I might loose function in my bad arm from the way I was restrained. He cut me, burned me, bit me. But that wasn't the worst part. The thing I feared the most was being raped again. Part of me wanted to die, rather than be forced to bear it for even a second.,” she took a deep breath.

 

“Lewis had just started when you shot him. He had forced himself between my hands to get himself ready to rape me. You saved me from my worst fear.”

 

Olivia took a moment to digest all of this new information as best as she could. To hear that the person she loved had been taken advantage of by a fellow officer was horrible in and of itself. The fact that Patton haunted her to the point where Lewis's physical torture wasn't the worst thing that could have happened to her... it made Olivia sick.

 

“I love you,” the brunette rasped. “I was so scared I wouldn't get to tell you that.”

 

The blonde gasped before lightly pressing her lips to Olivia's. She pulled away and looked the sargent right in the eye. “I love you Olivia Benson. I am so glad I got to tell you that.”

 

They settled back down on the couch. Olivia put her arm around the detectives shoulders, while Amanda snuck her hand under the front of the brunette's shirt and began to memorize her lover's scars.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I can leave end this here, or I can continue forward with both Olivia & Amanda's recoveries, Amanda's medical condition, their relationship and eventual smut.


End file.
